today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
