I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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