you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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