idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
