I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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