so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
