On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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