he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
