So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
