I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
