it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well you can't waste a boner
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
