there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
