there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
