I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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