Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
