I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
