You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
