After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
