Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
