Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
