he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize