Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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