Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
