yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
40s are totally the cure
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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