Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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