Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
