this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
