he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
