Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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