I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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