I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
