My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
