dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
