Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize