Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
