I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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