I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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