can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
