based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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