Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
