Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
