Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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