he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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