last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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