for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
