if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
