she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
