Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
