Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I believe in your delicious
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
