i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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