Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
