She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
