I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
