It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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