It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
