Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
