remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
