I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
