This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize