No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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