Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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