I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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