Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
