Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
