she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
