How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
