A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just invented taco cereal.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
