You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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