saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
