i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
