Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
