A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
