For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
