glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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