dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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