I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
