Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
