Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize