at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
