C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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