nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
