Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
