don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
