Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
